Monday, March 1, 2010

There is always hope

People, rather the handful of you who read this blog — a.k.a my fantastic and supportive family members — have asked me if I have goals for publication. And to that I have merely answered, "I am no where near thinking about that yet." Which is absolutely true. Reading an interview with Cassandra Clare, my current distant mentor, she said something I really liked.

"I have doubts all the time. I might be having one right now. I think everyone does. I think you have to think about your work in some ways separate from your goals for publication. You just have to focus on the book, or short story, or project, as an independent entity without thinking about where it might end up, so to speak."
~Cassandra Clare

This pretty much says it all.
While on this novel writing expedition, I find it gets nerve racking to think about what comes next. The thought of actually letting someone read it or to have a further intention for the book is absolutely terrifying.
It would mean that I would receive critique beyond my own.
I don't even like to talk about the plot line in fear of scrutiny.

Because what if it is simply just TERRIBLE!
I will have been living in a world of delusion and the reality might be extremely painful.
But I can't think about that!
I can't worry about whether I am over using words and descriptions,
if my grammar is as painful as pulling teeth, or if people will enjoy the plot.

Simply . . . I just need to keep going.
I need to let my heart bleed into my characters.
Once I can allow my characters to come alive,
they will write their own plot and it won't matter what people think.

Because, I am not writing this book for anyone else but myself.

1 comment:

  1. good. that is so good, nikki fondell.
    your blog posts are inspiring me so much lately!
    i think it is simply because you are following through with a dream.

    and even if your novel is deemed "terrible"... who doesn't love a terrible, but sucks-you-in-to-a-whole-other-world novel?!


    and thank you, S. Meyer.

    the only thing that would make it terrible would be the word 'grimace' on every page.

    that's the ONLY thing.


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