Thursday, March 23, 2017

Focus

Reflecting off my last post, I'm realizing calling my past self naive was a bit harsh. I was not naive in daring to imagine I could achieve my goals in writing. That was ambitious and admirable. In a way, I look up to my old self. I had focus and a purpose. I was motivated, passionate, and driven. The naivete was merely in believing that I wouldn't stop. Looking back at my blog posts during that time, it is evident that I loved writing. I really truly loved it. And in my heart, I believe that I still love it. But my head just cannot seem to find that focus.

I love stories. I love getting to go on a journey with a group of characters. Enjoying the good and the bad. The laughter and the tears. Discovering hidden truths. Uncovering deep dark secrets. Realizing that they were always supposed to be together! Wait, what? He was the villain all along?!

A good story. I will always love a good story. 

Depending on my brain function, I choose to devour stories in varying degrees of mental focus. I've made this really high tech flow chart to create a visual display. 
Lately, I've had a hard time making it over the CW* shows tier let alone making it all the way to the top tier of creating my own story to devour. That top tier is my goal. That bottom tier has been my go to. In less than a month, I watched the whole series of the Office. No shame. But since Christmas, I think I've read maybe 2.5 books.** For shame. And since last summer, I've written not much if not nothing. Yikes. 

I'd like to blame it on work. But moms and dads alike manage to work all day and still come home and care for small humans. People work all day and then have to keep working late into the night. Others take night classes. Many, myself not included, go to the gym. People don't stop living their lives because the work day is over. Ergo, work is just an excuse. And a poor one at that.

Reality, there is no excuse. For something that once was an unbridled passion, there is no excuse to not find some small glimmer of that focus still deep inside of me. Step by step, I will make it back to the top of the flow chart. Perseverance. I had that once. I think it's due time I found it again.



*CW show - a show focused around teenagers/young adults who are often caught up in love triangles while simultaneously tasked with saving the world from a nuclear explosion. 
** I'm really needing to find a good book (or book series). Suggestions?

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Questions? Comments? Snide remarks?