Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Naive Dreamer

Since I made the weird decision to revisit this blog after an incredibly long hiatus, I thought it might be interesting to go back and read some of my old posts.

And yes...indeed it was interesting.

I wound up in the series of posts that chronicled my initial journey into the world of writing. That was seven years ago. I was a nanny, obsessed with Twilight, and hopelessly naive. How endearingly I wrote having no clue that my future self was going to completely derail all of those hopeful plans. I devoted countless hours to writing. And numerous blog posts to detailing my adventure as a writer.

I was a writer! Writing was like breathing. I needed it.

Somewhere along the way writing seemed to slowly get pushed aside until finally it was merely something I'd done and not something I do.

I don't write. I haven't written in months!!

During the time of my life where I was really truly a writer, I spent my days in a fantasy world. I had a long commute, a child's nap schedule, no television, and no wifi. I had time. Time to read, imagine, and create. Damn... I had it good.

Little did I know how hard it would be to maintain something that I was completely passionate about. To be honest, I am a bit ashamed. How cruel I am to have taken that young girls dream and just left it by the wayside.

I worked so hard. SO HARD.

I poured my energy, emotions, dreams, hopes, failures, concerns...I poured it all out into those words. I knew then that it probably wasn't very good. But, I hoped that as I grew as a writer, I could learn to make it better. I foolishly hoped that I would keep going. I would keep working. I would keep writing.

I'm not going to make empty promises. I've learned better than that. I know that tomorrow is a new day. A day where I don't work in a cozy bubble of dream like reality. I work in an office, filling my head with numbers, important details, and the such. It takes a lot of my energy! But, goodness, if I don't even try...I will have failed myself once more.

So, to the sweet, naive, ambitious, and hopeful young girl (with the absurd abbreviations) - there is still a lot of novel to go. Maybe now it is about damn time a get going. 


2 comments:

  1. Do it! Momentum counts for so much, it's so hard to get going but once you do it comes easier... And it's always worth it. If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth doing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A wise person once gave me a journal with this quote:
    remember,
    you were a writer
    before
    you ever
    put
    pen to paper.
    just because you were not writing
    externally.
    does not mean you were not writing
    internally.
    Nayyirah Waheed

    ReplyDelete

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